


YOU SURELY WOULD HAVE BEEN BLASTED TO...

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gaster Blasters, Gen, POV Second Person, its fucking confirmed im honestly so excited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:03:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5809237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PAPYRUS'S SPECIAL ATTACK!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	YOU SURELY WOULD HAVE BEEN BLASTED TO...

**Author's Note:**

> in the undertale patch, if you spare papyrus on a no mercy run and then hang out with him, he has different dialogue now which very heavily implies that his "Special attack" which got eaten by the annoying dog was actually fuckin GASTER BLASTERS................................................................. makes me think what would have happened if the dog hadn't eaten the blasters
> 
> of course hes too nice to actually use them
> 
> this is actually............not cracky for once!!!!!!!!!!!! its still pretty silly tho
> 
> papyrus is my child honestly... i know i wrote a lot about sans but my favorite is papyrus and also undyne
> 
> i never edit any of my shit btw because im a lazy fuck i just literally upload the first rough draft

White. It was all white. You couldn't see a thing, and you had to squint to keep the blizzard out of your eyes. Your face was already numb from the cold, even though you had just exited the inn a few minutes ago. Suddenly, a familiar silhouette came into view, and you stopped.

Papyrus began to speak.

"HUMAN." It was hard to hear over the howling wind, but Papyrus's voice was louder than most. "ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME FEELINGS.

"FEELINGS LIKE... THE JOY OF FINDING ANOTHER PASTA LOVER. THE ADMIRATION FOR ANOTHER'S PUZZLE-SOLVING SKILLS. THE DESIRE TO HAVE A COOL, SMART PERSON THINK YOU ARE COOL." A warmth blossomed in your chest when you realized you had made Papyrus happy.

"THESE FEELINGS... THEY MUST BE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW!!!" Oh. He was talking about himself. But you still agreed, and the warmth stayed, keeping you determined.

"I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO FEEL THAT WAY. AFTER ALL, I AM VERY GREAT. I DON'T EVER WONDER WHAT HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS IS LIKE. I PITY YOU... LONELY HUMAN..."

That wasn't necessarily true, you thought. You had made friends with many monsters since falling down, especially Toriel. But you let Papyrus continue with his monologue. You enjoyed what he had to say.

"WORRY NOT!!!" Papyrus shouted encouragingly. "YOU SHALL BE LONELY NO LONGER! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE YOUR..."

He had paused. You were worried.

"NO..." Your heart sank. "NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG! I CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND!!!

"YOU ARE A HUMAN! I MUST CAPTURE YOU!!! THEN, I CAN FULFILL MY LIFELONG DREAM!!! POWERFUL! POPULAR! PRESTIGIOUS!!! THAT'S PAPYRUS!!!

"THE NEWEST MEMBER..." He posed dramatically. "...OF THE ROYAL GUARD!!!"

Suddenly, the way to Waterfall and back to Snowdin was blocked by bones. You were thrust into the air, gravity suspending, and getting ready to dodge, but not before CHECKing Papyrus. He had higher stats than any monster you had encountered so far, except Toriel.

A harmless bone slid underneath you. Papyrus began musing aloud about his aspirations.

Suddenly, you realized that there was still a chance to both befriend Papyrus and proceed to Waterfall. After all, you had done it with Toriel. Your SOUL filled with determination, and you decided to flirt. In a determined way.

"Hey buddy," you rasped; your voice didn't get much use. "Your biceps are pretty... hot."

"W-WHAT!?! F-FLIRTING?!" Papyrus's skull moved backwards much more than a human's could, looking like he was trying his best to hide his flattery. "W-WELL!!! I AM A SKELETON WITH VERY HIGH STANDARDS!!!"

"Don't worry... big sexy," you said, licking your lips. "I can make spaghetti."

Papyrus smacked a hand over his chest, jaw falling comically. "OH NO!!!! YOU'RE MEETING ALL MY STANDARDS!!!"

Another harmless bone slid beneath you. You figured you weren't going to get anywhere if you didn't make an indication that you didn't want to fight him. "I won't fight you!" you shouted, and then began coughing.

"HMM... THEN LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE MY FABLED 'BLUE ATTACK!!!!!!'" A myriad of blue bones shot towards you. Remembering what Sans had said about blue stop signs, you stood stock still and tried not to shiver at the sensation of the bone magically passing through your body.

You sighed in relief, glad that it wasn't anything worse, when suddenly gravity was in action again. Wait, had he spared you? Then, a bone hit you in the nose. You clutched it and stared up at Papyrus through the snow. He had a triumphant expression on his face.

"YOU'RE BLUE NOW. THAT'S MY ATTACK!"

You learned you had to jump over the bones now, and it was much more challenging than before. You were very surprised; Papyrus's sudden display of his real power had caught you off guard. Gravity seemed less than it was normally, though, so you could jump higher than you would if you weren't in a battle. You were getting tired, though, and you were all out of food. He really was much tougher than he seemed.

"ALL RIGHT, HUMAN! IT'S TIME FOR MY **SPECIAL ATTACK**!!" ARE YOU READY?!" Your head shot up. You hadn't been listening, too focused on jumping over his bone attacks. Papyrus looked a lot more intimidating now as opposed to when he was simply giving you puzzles, holding a massive femur that probably came from a dinosaur or something in one hand, and in the other he held a ball of blue magic, which you supposed controlled the color of your SOUL.

You watched as Papyrus closed his eyes, summoning something. And then a giant dinosaur skull thing appeared behind him and you were like "FUCK," because it was huge and spiky and looked really really intimidating.j

And then Papyrus saw the terror on your face, and he softened. "OH... THIS IS WAY TOO DANGEROUS!!!" he said suddenly. "PERHAPS MY SPECIAL ATTACK IS _TOO_ SPECIAL. IT MIGHT JUST BLAST YOU TO PIECES!!!"

He seemed to think for a moment. "BUT IT APPEARS... YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!!!" He grinned and waved his hand. The giant skull vanished, and gravity seemed to suspend again. "I WILL SPARE YOU, HUMAN!!!"

You smiled and gave him a thumbs up, and then collapsed from exhaustion.

 

**Author's Note:**

> its real too.......... i found out myself and took screencaps [(x)](http://painthief.tumblr.com/post/137965709665/fuck)


End file.
